Halcyon
by Euphemia Worthington
Summary: Lucy's world has collapsed around her: her guild has disbanded, all her friends have left her, and she's feeling more lonely than ever. Succumbing to the slippery slope of depression she's developed self-harming habits to cope. Once the bright fire in her life returns, what will he make of the ashes he's left behind? (Rated: MA, mature content, self-harm, trigger warning inside)
1. Prologue

**Author's note: This story has themes centering around depression, self-harm, anorexia, and recovery. If you have a hard time stomaching this kind of content I would advise against reading. The thoughts and feelings expressed in this story will largely come from my own journey with depression and anorexia, so note that everyone deals with these issue differently. If you are in crisis, please reach out for help. There is always someone who loves you more than you love yourself, and it is never too late to learn how to love yourself as they do. Now with that being said, please enjoy the story. 3**

It was a morning similar to most others. The sunlight streaming in through a slit in the curtains, illuminating the pale gold hair of the celestial mage as it fell in untamed streams around her face. She stirred, the light disturbing her otherwise peaceful sleep.

The light, she thought, was awfully bright for so early in the day. She peeped an eye open to look outside and as soon as she realized how high up the sun was in the sky she bolted out of bed leaving her blankets and sheets strewn about haphazardly.

"Shit shit shit!" she yelped as she ran around her cozy apartment trying to find an outfit to wear for the day. At one point in time, she was meticulous about her living quarters; however, in recent months due to certain circumstances that had changed. Her laundry needed done, the dishes were a whole other story, and a general unkemptness fell onto everything in her apartment.

Once she finished dressing, she threw her long hair up into a pony-tail and grabbed her bag from the kitchen table before bolting out the door, not bothering to lock it behind her. Good luck to the thief that attempting to find something to steal in there, she thought to herself.

"I am so late, Jason is going to be so mad," she grumbled as she made her way to the stadium where the final day of the Grand Magic Games were taking place. Since Fairy Tail's disbandment last year, she's started working under Jason as an editor-in-training after a brief stint of trying her hand in modeling. She was now a full-time editor and she really didn't want to fuck that up. She spends most of her free-time keeping tabs on the whereabout of her lost guildmates, but that's a story for a later time.

Running up to the stadium, two guards stand in her way. "Identification please," one of them states.

"Uh, yes, of course. It's in my bag," she flusters while searching through her bag; few things in her life were organized and her bag was definitely not one of them. "I swear I put in in here… Please, can you make an exception for little 'ol me?" Lucy questions while slyly pushing her breasts together and mustering up her most convincing puppy dog eyes.

"No," the guards state in unison. Lucy huffs and returns to looking through her bag, and she hears an announcement that the final battle is getting ready to take place. Finally, she finds her press pass. "Told ya," she sticks her tongue out as she runs past the guards and into the stadium.

As the battle arena comes into view, she spots Jason. "Hey! Sorry I'm so late. My alarm didn't go off this morning!"

"I was starting to get a little worried!" Jason exclaims, "The final match is just beginning."

Lucy turns her attention on the ensuing battle, which was not nearly as exciting since no major guilds entered this year. It ended just as she had assumed it would, with the underdog guild taking the win. She thought about when she competed in the games with her guild, reminiscing on how action packed and intense it was. Nothing at all like the games she had watched these past few days. In fact, this was very much how her life seemed to be lately, mundane and monotonous since Fairy Tail had disbanded.

Moving to gather her things and start writing her article, she felt a sudden rush of intense magic power. She immediately whipped her head around the stadium, searching for the source of the power when she noticed a cloaked figure entered the arena just as they were beginning to crown the winner.

Suddenly, a blast of heat emanated from the stranger as he claims he is the winning guild's next challenger. Wasting no time, the figure begins fighting the guild in a fury of fierce flames. Lucy is stunned, not sure what to think or do. The fight came to an end as the new challenger made quick work of Scarmiglione was defeated and the stadium was in tatters. It was then that the strangers hood came down, revealing the face of the last person she expected to see.

"Natsu…" she whispers before everything went black.


	2. Reunion

"Natsuuuuuu!" Happy called in a panic. Turning his attention from the remains of the battle in front of him, he couldn't quite see what Happy was looking at.

"Natsu, hurry! Lucy fainted!" That was all he needed before he quickly made his way over to his furry companion. Jason from Sorcerer Magazine was kneeling next to Lucy, checking her pulse.

"The shock from seeing you guys after so long must have made her faint. It's been a while!" Jason offered.

"Yeah…" was all Natsu could get out. He wasn't expecting to see Lucy here. He took a moment to take her appearance in, noticing that she had grown her hair out quite a bit. She was pale, but he alluded that to the fact that she had fainted. She seemed a little thinner than he remembered, but it had been so long that he couldn't be sure. She was still as beautiful as always, though.

"We should take her back to her place to rest up," Jason stated.

"All the way back in Magnolia? That'll take forever!" Natsu said incredulously.

"Oh, I guess you guys wouldn't know. She lives in Crocus now, she moved when she got a job with the magazine!"

Natsu felt a little pang in his heart. He hadn't bothered to keep in touch, focusing on his training. He was sure there was a lot more about Lucy he didn't know about anymore; that conclusion left him feeling a little hollow and very guilty. Moving to pick her up princess style, Natsu asked where her new place was.

"I'll lead you there, you just do the heavy lifting," Jason beamed, just happy to be in the presence of such a powerful mage.

Heavy lifting was an understatement, his earlier suspicions were confirmed upon bearing Lucy's full weight in his arms. She was much more slight than he remembered. Her curves were still supple, but he could see how her collar bone was prominent and her arms and legs had lost much of their muscle tone. He followed Jason through the city, gaining many confused looks due to the unconscious woman in his arms. Natsu paid no mind, all his attention on Lucy. His brow was furrowed in worry, hoping his best friend was okay.

Once they arrived at Lucy's place, Jason left them be. Her door was unlocked, something Natsu thought was strange. Upon entering her new apartment, Natsu was a little stunned at the unkempt state of her apartment. Her clothes were strewn about several pieces of furniture, her dishes needed done, the place was much messier than Natsu had ever seen her living quarters before.

"Man, this place is a mess!" Happy exclaimed.

Natsu was silent as he moved to Lucy's bedroom to lay her on her bed. He was careful with her as he laid her down, fearing this new, fragile Lucy would shatter from the movement. After setting her down, he took a long look at her face. He could see dark circles under her eyes. Her cheekbones were noticeably sticking out from her thin face. She looked worn down, so different from the bright star of a girl he knew before.

"Natsuuuu, we should clean up for her!" Happy exclaimed.

"Yeah, that would make her happy, good thinking!" Natsu said as he turned to face his blue exceed. That's when he noticed it. Her bedroom walls were covered in pictures, notes, eyewitness sightings, and any other information she could find concerning her guildmates.

"What's all this?" Natsu wondered aloud. Why would she need all these notes on their guildmates?

Brushing it off, he and Happy made quick work of tidying the place up. It wasn't spotless, but it was an improvement on the state of the place prior to their efforts. Sitting down at her desk, Natsu found several articles she's been working on, as well as her diary. Maybe that would have some information on why she had been keeping tabs on their guildmates. He didn't want to invade her privacy, but unconscious Lucy was no help on the matter and his curiosity got the best of him.

"Happy, why don't ya go get some food so when Lucy wakes up she can have somethin' to eat? Get some for us too, I'm starving!"

"Aye sir!" Happy exclaimed before making a quick exit to get the grub.

Natsu wasted no time turning to the most recent entry in her diary but would he have known its contents he wouldn't have dared open the book of Lucy.

 _It's been well over year since the guild disbanded. Everyone has moved on, leaving me in their wake. I feel useless. Like a discarded puppy realizing how much she must depend on others to survive. I want to be strong, I want to be powerful. But I realize that I was only weighing everyone down and that's why they left me behind. They needed to get stronger, and they can't do that with me as dead weight._

 _Natsu and Happy didn't even tell me they were leaving… and everyone else left without a word as well after Makarov disbanded the guild. At this point, I hope I never see them again. They would be disgusted with who I've become, with the habits I've developed._

 _I wish I could stop cutting, I wish I could just throw the blades away and work on myself as everyone else is. I just can't. That pain is the only real feeling I can find anymore. It drowns all the jumbled thoughts in my head and allows me to focus on one thing for a while. The blade across my skin opens an exit for all my demons. I can feel all my problems flow out as the blood oozes into the sink. It's only after it's stopped bleeding that I feel guilt, and all those issues build up again until I release it. It's a vicious cycle with no real end. It makes me think that maybe one time I should just go too far, cut a little too deep. No one would really notice. Jason would realize I was missing from work, but I'm replaceable_

 _Maybe I will tomorrow after the games are over._

Natsu felt sick physically sick as he shut the journal and ran to the bathroom. His stomach was empty but that didn't stop his body from trying to purge the words he read like a sickness. His mind was reeling, not knowing what to do with the information. It was worse than he could have imagined. Lucy was self-harming. The guild had disbanded..? She was all alone. She had literally no one to turn to. The guilt smacked him in the gut, overwhelming him. He was glad he told Happy to leave, he wouldn't want him to know about what Lucy was going through and he didn't think Lucy would either.

Making his way back to her bedroom, he carefully sat on the edge of her bed. He lifted his hand to cup the side of her face, desperately wishing he could eat all her demons as if they were a fire burning up her body from the inside out. "I'll never leave you again, Luce. I promise.."

The noise must have been enough to stir her from her unconscious state, as she groaned and slowly opened her eyes. Her chocolate orbs that were once so robust and full of life landed on his face, and he was able to see just how dull they'd gotten during their time apart.

"Natsu, it really is you.. I thought I was dreaming," she murmured as she moved to sit up.

He laid a hand on her shoulder, lightly willing her to stay laying down. "Relax a little more Luce, you passed out at the stadium."

A light flush dusted her cheeks, bringing some color to her lifeless skin. "I'm sorry about that. Some reunion, huh?"

"Don't apologize. Happy went out to get some food, he should be back any second."

"You didn't have to do that, but thanks." She closed her eyes again, grateful he had her lay back down. She felt lightheaded, still skeptical that this was real and thinking she just conjured all of this up in her head.

"Here, let me get you something to drink." Natsu stood and walked to the kitchen to grab some water, making his way back to her bedroom to hand her the glass.

"Thanks. Sorry about the mess. I've been busy lately," she stated, embarrassed that they saw her apartment in the state it was in.

"Don't worry about it! Happy and I cleaned up for you!" He said as he flashed her his signature toothy grin. It made her heart skip a beat as she took in his appearance. His skin was tanned, undoubtedly from all their travels. His muscle tone was much more defined, and his hair was considerably longer.

A silence fell between them, just turning uncomfortable as Happy burst back in with carry-out bags.

"Let's eat!" Happy exclaimed. The trio sat around her dining table, Natsu and Happy wasting no time to dig into the meal. Lucy was more reserved, picking at her food here and there. Natsu didn't say anything, just assuming she was still out of it from fainting.

They made conversation about their travels, telling Lucy all about what they had been up to while they were gone. Natsu brought up the topic of the guild, already knowing the answer. Happy was shocked, and he feigned surprise as well.

After eating, Lucy summoned Cancer to trim Natsu's hair to his usual length. He took a quick shower to get the remaining hair from his body and rejoined his friends at the table. He needed to talk to Lucy alone, but had to figure out a way to get Happy out of the apartment for a while. He lucked out when Happy asked about Charle, and Lucy told him that she and Wendy had joined another guild and that they also were stationed in Crocus. The little cat took off right after that, excited to see his friends after so long.

"So, Luce, what have you been up to?" Natsu inquired.

"Oh not much, I'm a full-time editor for Sorcerer Magazine and that takes up most of my time. It's much less exciting than what you've been up to."

"No, that awesome! You're so talented, I'm sure they're super excited to have you on the team!"

"I don't know about all that. I had to work my way up. I started with modeling, but finally convinced Jason to let me try out being an editor."

"Well he's a smart man for giving you a chance."

"Yeah, I guess so.."

Wanting to change the subject, Natsu proposed they go on a walk. Lucy was happy to get out of her apartment, where the urge to cut was beginning to suffocate her. There was so much to take in, and it was clear that Natsu and Happy had flourished in her absence. They probably didn't even think about her, running into them at the stadium was just a coincidence and she was sure they would leave again anytime soon. She didn't want to think about it.

They made their way through town in relative silence, eventually getting to the outskirts and heading towards a small, secluded pond surrounded by beautiful greenery and flowers. It was a nice, quiet sanctuary from the bustling city, for which Natsu was thankful. They stood at the water's edge while Natsu chucked rocks across the surface.

"It's been good to see you Luce, I missed ya like crazy." Natsu stated earnestly.

"You don't have to say that just to make me feel better. It's clear that you guys were just fine without me."

Taken aback from her monotone voice, Natsu did the only thing he could think of as he gently grabbed the back of her head and guided her body into the strong embrace of his arms, resting her head against his defined chest. "I'm serious, Lucy. I thought about you every day, and I'm sorry for leaving like we did. I didn't know the guild had disbanded. I had no idea that you were left alone like that or I never would have left.."

He felt her begin to shake in his arms, trembling as her hands came up to grab the edges of his vest near his pectorals. "Y-you left me… without a word.. a-all alone.." she choked out as her tears overwhelmed her.

"I know, Luce. And I'll never be able to make up for that. But I'm here now, I'm never gonna leave your side again. I promise. You're so important to me, and the fact that I've allowed you to think otherwise will always eat at me." His arms encircled her small body, pulling her closer for fear that she might blow away in the wind and leave him empty handed. He thought back to her journal, the last line stuck with him. It was burnt into his mind.. " _Maybe I will after the games tomorrow…"_

Her body shuddered as the sobs racked her body. He whispered sweet nothings to her, telling her to calm down and that it was alright because he was here with her and he was never going to leave.

"You must think I'm so weak.." she started quietly, "you'll just leave me again. I'm too much of a burden."

"Luce, please get that thought out of your head. The only reason I left without you is because I didn't want to put you in danger. I need to get stronger, I needed to be able to protect the people most precious to me because I've failed at that and it destroyed me. The battle with future Rogue was the tipping point, seeing future Lucy die right before me and I wasn't able to stop it. That would have been you, Luce. If I would have lost ya there I don't know what I would have done." Natsu assured her.

"B-but that's the problem. I have to be protected. I'm useless.." She went on.

"No Luce, you're the strongest person I know. You've been through so much, but you always come out of top. During the battle of Tartaros I realized just how strong and selfless you are. You sacrificed one of your keys just to save everyone. You saved US, not the other way around. You are strong, you are beautiful, you are everything that makes you Lucy Heartfilia. That will never change." He moved his hands to her sides, and she flinched at the movement. He didn't move his hands as he pulled her away to look into her eyes. "You are the most important person in my life Luce, and I'm going to spend the rest of my years making sure you know it."

He hoped his love could drive out her sorrow. He's loved Lucy from the day he met her. He knew she loved him too. She wasn't broken, just bent. Lucky for them he was a fire mage and fully intended to mend the mess he's left behind to bend her back into the strong, loving Lucy he fell in love with.

"I'm here now, Luce. We'll get through this together, I promise."

Lucy wanted to ask him what he was talking about, but she was speechless. Today was supposed to be the day she ended her misery. However, fate had a different plan. The man she loved was holding her pieces together, and bit by bit her dying fire was coming back to life. She just hoped it wasn't too late and Natsu wouldn't be disgusted with who she had really become.


	3. Progress

**I got this anonymous guest review, so I wanted to post my response here.**

 _Why do people want Lucy to be incapable of being without Natsu for? Not to mention you all seem to want her to be selfish._

 _And a hypocrite. Lucy left with only a note back in Phantom Lord. Why is it okay for someone going to visit their (asshole of a) father, but not okay for someone who watched their father brutally killed?_

 _Also, I hope that should your father die, none of your friends try to make you feel bad for how you coped with it. That nobody thinks you should put your grief aside for them the way everyone is doing with Natsu and Lucy here._

 _Natsu did what he needed to, to cope with his loss and assure himself he could protect those he had left so he didn't go through it again. He didn't need anyone's permission._

 _The situation between Natsu and Lucy should be handled with discussion. It should be them talking it out, not with Lucy making it all about her. And not just because that isn't who Lucy is, but because both of their feelings are valid. Just because Natsu had a right to train for a year, thought he left Lucy with her family in the guild, doesn't mean Lucy wasn't still hurting, doesn't mean she did have the guild._

 _If you are writing Lucy this way as a means of getting your own personal feelings out, then I hope you have good friends, ones you can turn to and who will help. Please don't go down that path of self harm, and worse._

 **I appreciate the constructive criticism, but you should note that this is a Fan Fiction. This is a fictional story that I made up using the characters from Fairy Tail. I was very clear in the summary what this story would be about, and even posted an author's note at the beginning on how this story is coming from my own past with depression, self-harm, and anorexia. This story will focus on Lucy's recovery, something that I did a long time ago. I think Natsu and Lucy depend on each other and are better people when they are together. Obviously, in the actual manga/anime Lucy copes just fine with everyone's absence. This is just my personal headcannon that I wanted to bring to life. If this type of fiction about Natsu and Lucy bothers you, don't subject yourself to it's content. There are countless other Fan Fiction about a myriad of different plots that should suffice for you. As always, thank you for reading and for your input! I just wanted to clarify my motivations, and I hope that if someone struggling reads this story they can learn from some of the lessons I learned and will be implementing in this story.**

 **-Euhpie**

* * *

Following their discussion by the pond, Natsu and Lucy walked back to her apartment. The silence between them was a comfortable one, and for that Lucy was thankful. She needed the time to process her feelings.

Having Natsu back in her life brought a flood of emotions she hadn't experienced in over a year back to her. It was the little things about him that she didn't realize she'd been yearning for: his smell, his voice, the way he called her Luce, the way he could calm her and make her feel confident in herself even if only for a moment. It didn't fix her inner issues, but it did allow her to see herself as something other than worthless and that was a start.

When they walked up to their apartment they found a note on the door from Happy stating that he was going to stay with Wendy and Charle for a bit. Natsu didn't let it show, but he was relieved. He could focus on helping Lucy get better without having to worry about what he could or couldn't say around Happy.

Once inside the apartment, Natsu offered to get some groceries to cook dinner for the pair. Lucy was initially stunned, surprised that Natsu of all people was offering to cook.

"I got tired of eating the same thing over and over while we were traveling so to save some money I learned a thing or two," he explained with a grin, clearly proud of himself.

Lucy giggled, the sound warming Natsu's heart. He hadn't heard her laugh since he's been back, it put him at ease.

"I'll finish cleaning while you're gone, I don't want you to have to stay in this pigsty," Lucy offered while picking up a few misplaced items.

"You don't care if I crash here for a while?"

"Of course not, you know you're always welcome," she explained with a smile that didn't quite meet her eyes.

Nodding, Natsu headed to the store. As soon as her door shut, Lucy caved in to the feeling that's been nagging her since she woke up after fainting. She needed to cut, she needed a moment of solace away from the thoughts inside her mind. Natsu had been very insistent that he missed her and that she was his best friend, even saying that he loved her (which he hadn't before). She still felt guilty. Natsu was so strong, a fire that could envelop even the worst evils in the world; however, she didn't want him to have to fight her demons for her. He had so much life to live without trying to put her pieces together.

She found her blades in the bathroom drawer, pulling one out of the case with shaky fingers. She got a towel and a bandage ready, having been through this process a hundred times before. She pulled her shirt over her head, exposing the heavily marred flesh of her sides. Countless raised scars plastered her once flawless skin, making her exterior reflect the ugliness she felt inside. Her ribs were easily visible, having not been eating in recent months as she should. She wanted to wither away into nothingness, to completely fade from this world without a trace.

Coming back to the task at hand, she had to be quick, Natsu wouldn't take long to get some groceries. The store was only a few blocks away. Wasting no time, she brought the razor to her side and applied pressure until she felt the familiar feeling of the sharp metal piercing through several layers of skin before dragging it across her flesh. She took in a sharp breath and held it until she was finished, exhaling as she admired the red curtain that ran down her milky flesh in startling contrast. She put the razor down and just before the blood reached the hem of her skirt, she brought the towel up a few inches below the wound. She didn't want to stop the bleeding just yet. Her mind was clear of all thoughts as she watched the wound seep, all she had to focus on was the pain. Her breathing became shallow but consistent, closing her eyes and living in this moment.

She was so lost in the bliss, she didn't hear the door close or the groceries being set on the table. It wasn't until Natsu reached the doorway to the bathroom and uttered "Luce.. what are you doing.." in a voice so quiet and shaky she was sure it didn't belong to him.

Reality came crashing back around her and she brought the towel up to her side to hide the wound, her mind reeling. "I, uh, cut myself on-" She was cut off when Natsu wordlessly brought her into a tight embrace. She felt a wetness fall on her exposed shoulder and she only realized it was Natsu's tears when he spoke.

"Lucy, why are you doing this to yourself?" he whispered quietly.

She couldn't think of an answer. The words wouldn't come. She felt embarrassed, ashamed, weak, and ugly. Trying to pull away from his embrace as her tears overwhelmed her, Natsu only held her more tightly.

"How long, Luce? How long have you been doing this to yourself?"

"I-I don't know. A few months…" came her shaky answer. "It's the only way I feel real. It's the only way I can drown out all of my emotions."

"Luce, I'm here for you. You don't need to-"

"BUT YOU WEREN'T! YOU WEREN'T HERE! I WAS ALONE. COMPLETELY ALONE!" she sobbed and she finally pulled herself away from him. "I-I was all alone. I had no one…"

Natsu was able to take the sight of her in entirety, having been avoiding it. His heart broke at the sight in front of him. The once shining, powerful Lucy Heartfilia reduced to a broken, fragile shell of the girl he once knew. The first thing he noticed was how her ribs protruded from her body as did her other bones, the second were the myriad of scars that littered the sides of her beautiful body. The guilt was overwhelming. She was right, after all. He hadn't been there, during the moment that she needed him most. He had failed her.

"I know Luce, I know.. I will never forgive myself and I don't want you to either. But I'm here for you now, let me help you.."

"I can't let you do that, Natsu. This isn't your problem. I'm not your burden to bear. This is who I am now. This is how I cope."

"But you don't have to Luce. I can help you, I _want_ to help you. I can't watch you struggle like this. You mean too much to me."

"Oh yeah? Do I really? Or is it because you only feel guilty for what I've become?"

Natsu was struck deep by her cold words. He fell to his knees, overwhelmed by the scene unfolding before him. He felt utterly helpless, his best friend was suffering, and it was completely his fault. All this time, she'd been alone and left to her own devices. He couldn't honestly say that should he have been in her shoes he wouldn't have been just as broken.

"Lucy, you are still my partner. You're my best friend and I love you for everything you've ever been. I love you enough for the both of us. I'm not going anywhere and I'm not gonna let your words convince me otherwise. You're in a dark place, let me be that light again."

Lucy was so conflicted. She felt bad for hurting Natsu, but not enough to apologize. She meant what she said and she wouldn't take it back.

"Luce, I need you to believe me when I say if I would have known about the guild I would have never left you alone. I thought you had our guild family to support you, you're a strong woman. I didn't think twice about it, honestly. I know I should have contacted you, but I was worried hearing from you would make me want to come back and then I wouldn't have been able to focus on my training. I'm stronger than I've ever been Lucy, strong enough to work through this with you."

Lucy was quiet as she pondered his words. It made sense, Natsu had no way of knowing about the guild. He didn't run from her when he found out about her issues, he's here right now by her side. He didn't call her ugly, he didn't say he was ashamed or disappointed in her, all he's done is support her from the moment he returned.

"Natsu, this isn't going to be easy. This isn't going to be an overnight transformation. I have an addiction, a very serious one at that."

"I know. I'm not trying to rush you, I'm only here to support you and make sure you know that you can talk with me about anything. Just let me try, Luce. Let me back in. Let me be your best friend again."

Lucy just nodded her head as she removed the towel from her side and went to bandage it but stopped when Natsu's hand came up to grab the bandage before she could.

"Let me do it, it's a hard place to reach on your own."

"I've done this by myself plenty of times."

"I know, but I want you to see that you aren't alone anymore," he explained with a small smile on his handsome face.

Lucy was silent as she watched his face while he grabbed some alcohol from her medicine cabinet. "I'm going to disinfect it, it's probably going to burn," he explained.

Lucy wouldn't say it out loud, but she was looking forward to the pain. She took in a sharp breath as the burn of the alcohol spread across her cut, but Natsu's nimble fingers made quick work of applying the bandage. Lucy was carefully studying his face to find any signs of his disgust for her hideous body, but there were none. His eyes were soft, not sympathetic… just understanding.

"You must think I'm ugly now," Lucy muttered.

"I could never think that. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known, some scars aren't gonna change that."

Lucy blushed, feeling the heat spread over her face. Natsu grinned in return, he loved making her blush even at a time like this it put him at ease.

Lucy pulled her shirt back over her head as she turned to face Natsu once more. "I'll finish cleaning up while you cook dinner if that's okay with you.."

"Sounds good to me! I'm all fired up!"

Lucy laughed, a genuine, warm laugh for the first time and it warmed Natsu's heart. His Lucy was still the same person, she just needed help seeing that. He turned to head to the kitchen when Lucy spoke softly, "I'm sorry Natsu. And… and thank you.. for everything." She looked at the ground while she spoke but looked up at Natsu when he came over to take her hands in his.

"Don't be sorry Luce. You'll get through this. No, we'll get through this. Together," He smiled as he spoke. "Do you.. can I throw your blades away?" He was wary to ask the question, he didn't want to overstep his boundaries but having that constant temptation in her apartment wasn't going to help.

Lucy faltered for a second, panicking at the thought of not having her release. Logically though, she knew it was the right thing to do. "Will you do it for me? I don't think I'll be able to," she agreed sheepishly.

"Of course," Natsu answered as he walked into the bathroom and pulled them out of the drawer. "Are there any more? Anythin' else that you would harm yourself with?"

Lucy thought about it for a moment, she's only every cut herself with blades. In a moment of stress, she could see herself seeking out anything sharp enough to get the job done. She didn't say anything though, wanting to believe in her ability to get better. "I've only ever used the blades.." she trailed off.

"Ok, let's get some good food in our bellies!" Natsu changed the subject, ready to move on to happier conversation.

"Mhmm," Lucy agreed as she moved around the apartment to clean up. Natsu made his way to the kitchen as he prepared a simple stew. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was easy to make and delicious. As the stew was simmering, he helped Lucy clean up. The place was spotless, everything in its place.

"Ahh, this feels so much better," Lucy happily exhaled. Her windows were open, and a slight breeze was coming in, wafting the scent of her lit candles around the apartment. Coupled with the scent of the stew Natsu had cooking, it felt so homey, so complete. Lucy felt genuine happiness, a foreign feeling that was so easy to accomplish but that had been so fleeting in recent months. It all started to seem silly to her. Why did she need Natsu to come back to feel this way? But as she reflected, it was more than just that. The whole guild had abandoned her, and depression was a slippery slope. She wasn't out of the woods just yet, but this was a good start.

When the food was done, the two of them sat at the table and made comfortable conversation. Natsu was telling her about all his new magic and some of the adventures he didn't touch on with Happy during his first day back. Natsu had gone through four bowls of soup while Lucy was still picking at her first.

"Aren't ya hungry? You've barely eaten," Natsu asked.

"It's delicious. I'm just on a diet and watching my weight."

"On a diet? Lucy, I can see your bones! You don't need to lose any weight." He had a confused look on her face, the root of the problem going way over his head.

Lucy didn't say anything, just stared into the food as she followed a carrot around the bowl with her spoon. "I just don't want to be too heavy for Happy and everyone else if they ever have to carry me again."

"Nonsense, Happy's just jokin' with ya! He carries me around all the time and I weigh at least 50 lbs. more than you do," Natsu explained. "I've never had a problem carryin' ya around." As if to prove his point he got up from the table and made his way over to Lucy, her eyes wide in confusion. He grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her up on his shoulder as she squirmed and lightly hit his shoulder.

"Natsu put me down!" she pleaded.

"Nope, no way. Not until you tell me you don't need to lose weight."

"Natsu…"

To exaggerate his point, Natsu moved Lucy so that he was somewhat bench pressing her above his head. Lucy had to remain still if she didn't want him to drop her, sighing in defeat.

"Ok ok I get it. You're a big strong man and I don't weight a lot to you. I'll eat my food, now put me down."

That characteristic grin spread across his face as he carefully dropped her into his arms princess style. She was blushing as he carried her back over to the table. Lucy ate the rest of her meal, partially just to make him shut up and partially because for the first time in a while she was able to enjoy the taste of the food.

After they were finished, Lucy did the dishes as a thank Natsu for cooking. He placed a lid over the pot and placed it in the refrigerator.

It was getting late, and Lucy was exhausted after such an eventful day. "I think I'm ready for bed. I'm beat."

"I'm gonna hit the hay too, it's been a long day," Natsu agreed. "Do you have an extra blanket and pillow? I'll crash on the couch."

"You… you can sleep in my bed if you want. It's much more comfortable and it's probably been forever since you slept in one."

Natsu didn't let it show, but he was super excited she offered. Her bed was the most comfortable he's ever slept in. Whether that be objectively because of the quality or subjectively because Lucy would sleep next to him, he didn't know for sure.

"I thought you'd never ask!"

Lucy went into the bathroom to put some pajamas on while Natsu wasted no time taking his shirt off, leaving him in his pants. When Lucy entered the bedroom again, she was greeted with a great view of Natsu's muscular back. She'd seen him shirtless countless times, but it never failed to take her breath away. He was the epitome of male physique, with rippling muscles in all the right places. She watched how his muscles flexed as he moved his hands up to ruffle his hair. Sensing her presence, he turned around which made Lucy blush for getting caught in the act of staring. A knowing grin spread over Natsu's face, "You go ahead and get in bed, I'll turn the light off."

"R-right."

She slipped under the covers, scooching over so Natsu would have plenty of room. He shut the light off and made his was over to join her. They laid there in silence for a moment before Lucy finally said, "I'm really happy you're back."

"Me too, Luce."

She turned on her side away from him and jumped when she felt his arm snake around his side to pull her closer and effectively fitting her smaller frame within the warm embrace of his body.

"N-natsu what're you-"

"You were shivering. I figured you could use some warmth."

She wasn't going to argue. Laying like this caused a warmth to pool deep in her belly, being surrounded by the familiar scent of burning fire that was Natsu's natural musk. Feeling completely content and safe, Lucy drifted into unconsciousness in the arms of the man who meant the most to her.


	4. Catharsis

**Hey guys, sorry for the delay in an update. I got a promotion at work that took a lot of my free time as I transitioned into my new responsibilities. It's calmed down now, so I'll be posting more frequently. As always, let me know what you think! Your feedback is always appreciated. This story will start to shift from depressing to a happy one, so if you've stuck with me thus far I appreciate it!**

* * *

When Natsu awoke, he was confronted with two major sensations: the scent of Lucy's shampoo and the familiar feeling of morning wood pressing into something very soft. Knowing that those two sensations did not belong together, he cracked one eye open to assess the situation. Lucy was still wrapped in his arms, very much in the same position they fell asleep in (a testament to just how exhausted they both were). Peering further down, he suspicions were confirmed when he found Lucy's round ass flush with his arousal.

"Ah, shit.." he muttered quietly. He slowly pulled his arm from around her waist, careful not to rouse the sleeping woman beside him. Being quiet was not his forte, so he was proud of himself for being able to slip from the bed and into the bathroom to take care of the situation without disturbing Lucy.

He turned the shower on as hot as it would go, knowing a cold shower wouldn't quell this arousal. Oh no, this arousal was due to not seeing Lucy for over a year and then suddenly sleeping with her wrapped in his arms. After shedding his pants, he stepped into the seething cascade of water, sighing in relief as the water eased his tense muscles; while he was happy to have slept in bed with Lucy, having his arm underneath her all night made for a very sore appendage. Well, make that two of them as his attention was drawn back to his aching lower extremities.

Bracing one arm of the glass of the shower, he brought his free hand down to grasp himself, letting out a hiss as he began to slowly pump. He knew it was wrong given their current situation, but his head was filled with thoughts of Lucy. Of her robust breasts, her plump lips, her ample hips and ass…

"Lucy…" he groaned, maybe a little more loudly than intended, but his release was rapidly approaching. Increasing his speed, he closed his eyes and thought about himself plunging into her wet heat as she panted beneath him, moaned his name, screamed his name as she begged him for more… and that was his undoing. With one final, low growl he came as hot spurts of his seed plastered the inside of Lucy's shower.

Relishing in his release, he turned so that he was leaning up against the glass as he let the shower pour over him.

* * *

Lucy awoke to the sound of her shower and an empty bed. Although she was initially confused, she remembered that Natsu was here and that he held her all night last night. Blushing at the revelation, she quickly gathered herself as she purged the thoughts from her mind. Curious that the bathroom door was still cracked open, Lucy slipped out of bed and padded over to the bathroom where steam was wafting out of the crack. Knowing Natsu, he would use all her hot water and she would be left with a lukewarm bath (which negates the point of taking a long bath in the first place).

Intending to tell her friend to save her some hot water, she was stopped in her tracks as she heard Natsu say her name, no _groan_ her name. The blush that she had just successfully got rid of came back in full force, the warmth spreading throughout her body and settling deep in her core.

She could not have heard what she thought she just heard, right? Curiosity getting the better of her once again, she creeped closer to the door and peered through the crack. She immediately regretted her decision as she was met with the lewd scene before her: Natsu braced himself against the shower as he relieved himself, water cascading over his taught muscles as his hand pumped his arousal at a vigorous pace. Lucy knew she should turn away, but she physically could not bring herself to. What she saw confused her as that heat in her core began to pulsate. She was _aroused_. The sight of Natsu relieving himself was turning her on, she realized.

Natsu growled once more, the sound causing Lucy to quickly sprint back over to her bed where her thoughts began to run rampant. Natsu, touching himself in her shower, moaning _her_ name, was this a dream? It had to be a dream. Natsu thought of her as his best friend, his partner, nothing more. At least, that's what she thought. That's what she told herself to keep her own feelings in check.

Getting frustrated, she wished with all her might that this was a dream. This complicated things beyond comprehension if this were real.

She heard the shower turn off, so she climbed back under the covers pretending to still be asleep. She knew she was still blushing, she felt hot and the blankets were no help.

The bathroom door creaked open as Natsu made his way out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. He noticed that Lucy was still sleeping, so he went into her kitchen to get something to munch on, opting for a banana. He leaned against the counter, admiring Lucy's sleeping form. She looked so peaceful, he thought as he ate the fruit.

Lucy, not being able to bear pretending to be asleep any longer, pretended to stir as she turned towards her kitchen. She stretched before sitting up in bed, rubbing the fake sleep from her eyes.

"Good morning, Luce! I hope you slept well, I know I did. I forgot just how comfortable your bed is," Natsu beamed with his signature grin.

"A-ah, good morning," Lucy stated, too afraid to make eye contact.

Natsu noticed was a little red, maybe she got too warm from sleeping next to his natural body heat. He didn't dwell on it too much. "I was thinkin' we could go on a little trip, if you're down for it," he prompted.

Lucy finally looked at Natsu, confused. She forced herself to not falter at the sight of him in only a towel that was slung low on his hips. "A trip to where?"

"Well while Happy and I were traveling we came across this lake up in the mountains. It's so pretty and peaceful, I knew I had to take you there some time and I figured there's no time like the present!"

Lucy thought about it for a minute, it did sound nice to get away for a while. "How far away is it?"

"It's about a day's journey on foot, if you're aren't up for it that's alright we can find somethin' else to do."

"No, it sounds lovely. It would be nice to have a change of scenery for a while."

"Well pack what ya need for a couple days and we'll head out! I'll have to stop by and let Happy know we're heading out of town, but we can do that on the way," Natsu said with a smile.

Lucy, finding his energy contagious, smiled as well as she moved to pack.

* * *

Once they were finished packing and picking up some supplies from the market, they stopped to let Happy know where they would be. He was more than pleased for an excuse to hang out with Charle a little longer.

"The dynamic due is back at it!" Natsu exclaimed.

Lucy couldn't help but giggle, "Yeah, it's been too long."

"Wait 'till ya see all the new magic I've learned. I could totally pummel Gray into the ground now!"

"Oh, I believe it. What you did at the games was incredible, I had no idea it was you at first."

Natsu grinned and Lucy caught sight of his signature canines. "I've gotta be able to protect my most important people ya know? And get the guild back together. I say as soon as we get back from our trip we use your notes to start hunting everyone down."

Lucy was silent for a moment, pondering his words. "Don't you think they would have by now if they wanted to get back together?"

"Of course, that's why I think they're all off on their own little missions. Kinda like I was, just getting stronger and learning new things."

Lucy thought about all the notes and sightings she had collected, many members stayed in pairs or small groups. Those who drifted on their own normally did even before the disbandment, so Natsu's theory made sense. She was so caught up in the suffocating sadness of everyone being gone that she didn't really stop to think _why_ they were gone or what they were doing. She was selfish.

"Don't worry Luce, we'll find everyone! I promise," Natsu insisted.

Lucy didn't say anything, just looked at the ground as they continued to make their way out of town towards wherever Natsu was leading them. They made comfortable small talk during their journey as the sun went down. Once it grew too dark to safely travel, Natsu found them a small clearing to set up camp for the night.

"I'll gather the wood if you want to carry some rocks over to make a fire pit?" Lucy prompted.

Natsu almost agreed, but something within him was nagging at him to not leave Lucy alone. Instead, he prompted they go together to collect what they needed. It didn't take them but ten minutes to find what they needed, and Natsu had a fire roaring in no time.

"How about some roasted corn and salmon? We can go catch a couple fish in the river while the fire settles down."

"Sounds good to me, I just realized how hungry I am," Lucy observed as her stomach rumbled. That was something worth noting, she was _hungry_. She wanted to eat. She smiled at the thought, not wanting to bring it up. But she was proud of herself, even if it was just a baby step.

Natsu grabbed Lucy's hand and led her over to the river that wasn't very far from their campsite. They walked up to the river's edge, the clear water's current wasn't very strong, filling the air with the soft, calming sound of flowing water. Without warning, Natsu slipped his shirt over his head and dove into the water, causing the water to splash out and effectively soak Lucy's clothing and ruining the calming atmosphere.

"NATSU!" Lucy exclaimed.

A mop of pink hair resurfaced, that stupid grin plastered on his face. "Come on in, the water feels great!"

Lucy laughed, her erratic friend never failed to amaze her with his spontaneity. "Are you insane? That water can't be very warm and it's not exactly warm outside either! You're just always hot no matter what the temperature is," she concluded.

"Well, I could've told you that Luce," he shimmied his brows at her.

Realizing how he took her comment and twisted it, she sniggered. "Natsu, has your head gotten bigger since I last saw you? I must just now be noticing."

"Well, I mean I could show you, but then I'd have to take my pants off," he deadpanned.

"NASTU, what is wrong with you!" she shrieked while chucking a rock at his head, which he easily dodged. She just wanted to distract him from the blush that was furiously making its way across her face.

"Oh come on, you made that way too easy!" Natsu responded before plunging back into the water.

Lucy just smiled. Nothing had changed between them. He didn't treat her any differently… maybe because she didn't change as much as she thought she did. Maybe it was this great internal war she was fighting with herself that only made it seem like everything was so substantial and overwhelming.

It seemed that's the eternal sunshine that was Natsu was slowly allowing the wilted flower that Lucy had thought she became to bloom again. It would take patience and a lot of hard work on both sides, but progress was being made every second that went by.

* * *

Later that evening, after the sun had set and the two of them had eaten dinner, the duo sat beside the fire and reminisced on some of their favorite moments over the last few years. This was exactly what Lucy had needed, a reminder of all the good that had happened in her life. A reminder that she has had so many more good memories than bad ones.

Natsu yawned as he stretched his arms over his head. "Man am I getting tired, I think I'm going to lay down for the night. We've got a busy day of travel ahead of us, you should get some sleep too, Lucy."

"Mhmm," she agreed while walked over to her unrolled sleeping bag before climbing in. "Goodnight Natsu."

"Goodnight Luce, sweet dreams!" Natsu exclaimed before following suit. With full bellies and the dull roar of the fire, the two of them were asleep before long.

* * *

Lucy jolted awake from a nightmare, reliving the moment when she had lost Aquarius. It was a dream that she had frequently, but her labored breathing and increased heart rate were a testament to just how damaged she still was from that moment.

As she tried to control her labored breathing, she looked over at her pink haired partner and found him fast asleep. Moving quietly not to awaken him, she slipped out of her bedding and made her way to the river. The crisp fall air lapped at her skin, dulling the flames that had spread over her during her night terror.

Coming to the river's edge, she crossed her legs and sat down. It was nice to be alone for a moment, Natsu hadn't let her out of his sight since he caught her harming herself. It was an adjustment to have someone around who was so tentative when she had been alone for so long.

Pulling pieces of grass out of the ground and gently floating them down the river, her thoughts also floated to her missing guildmates. She hoped they were all okay, and most of all that they were all happy. If she learned anything from Natsu's earlier assessment, they are all more than likely just building on their own skills for the betterment of the team.

This all left Lucy feeling a little silly. With Natsu here, her problems felt so small. But, this past year while she was alone she felt like the small one being dwarfed by all her problems. It was hard for her to not turn this into another reason to hate herself, because that voice in the back of her head was there. She just had something to live for now that was stronger than her desire to hate herself.

She felt a tear slip down her cheek, but she was necessarily sad. She just had too many emotions swimming inside her, begging for a way to escape. She fought the thought of cutting for the briefest moment, and that was when the tears came in a consistent flood. The more she cried, however, the more relaxed she felt.

And that's when she thought about it. She never really cried tears like this. Tears that weren't out of anger or hate for herself. These were just tears of catharsis. Tears of accepting who she was now and welcoming who she could be.

A twig snapped behind her, drawing her attention in that direction.

"Jesus Luce, I almost had a heart attack when I woke up and couldn't find ya," Natsu said calmly as he made his way over to her. He saw that she was crying but didn't want to push her to talk about it. "Aren't ya cold? You're only in your nightgown," he said softly as he took a seat next to her and looking out over the moonlit river.

"I wasn't at first. I had a nightmare, and the air felt good. Now that you mention it, though, it's pretty chilly out." she answered in a voice that surprised Natsu. Despite her tears, her voice was steady and strong.

Without hesitation, he wrapped his arm around her smaller frame and pulled her close, resting his chin on the top of her head. "Good thing you've got a human radiator for a friend."

She giggled, the sweet sound making Natsu blush. He was thankful she couldn't see his face. "Yeah, the best human radiator a girl could have," she answered as she curled into him and wrapping her arms around his waist, relishing the warmth and the smell of her best friend.

They sat together like this for a few moments, enjoying one another's company and the serenity of the forest. "You can talk to me if you need to, I just don't want to pressure you into anything."

"I know. I don't really know how to explain how I'm feeling, but it isn't bad. I know that sounds silly because I'm crying, but I feel good."

"No, it makes sense. Everything you feel makes sense, it's all valid."

"Thanks for being there for me Natsu, it means more to me than I could ever put into words."

He pulled away just enough to look at her. Her hair was mused from sleep, falling in disheveled waves around her from when he splashed her earlier. The big brown eyes were wet, shimmering in the moonlight. Her face was reddened from crying, her cheeks and nose showing most of the effects. She looked stunning, Natsu's breath hitched.

"I'll always be here Luce. Even with I'm not physically with you, always know that I'm here for you."

Lucy noted his voice was deeper than usual, and a shiver went through her body. Whether it was from the cold or the effect of his voice, she could only guess. He moved a hand up to push a wayward strand of hair out of her face, his fingers brushing across her cheek as he did so.

He didn't break eye contact with her, the intimate moment was suffocating. Without thinking, he blurted out "I love you, Lucy."

Her eyes widened. It wasn't because of the words themselves, but because this time they had a different meaning. She couldn't explain it, but she could feel it. Natsu didn't give her time to process it, let alone respond as he tilted his head and gently captured her lips with his own. A soft sigh escaped her lips, her eyes closing in response to the kiss.

It was a chaste, quick moment; however, both of them were breathing much more heavily than they were a moment ago. Lucy shivered before opening her eyes to meet Natsu's. She smiled and proceeded to crawl into his lap and bury her face in his chest. Natsu was stunned for a moment but didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her frame. She seemed so small like this, fitting perfectly in his arms. He kissed the top of her head, just holding her in a comfortable silence.

"I love you, too Natsu," she whispered into his chest.

"Let's get you back to camp, Luce. It's cold out here and you're shivering."

Natsu proceeded to pick Lucy up without warning, and she yelped in surprise. The new position forced her to wrap her arms around his neck as he carried her bridal style to their campsite. She didn't mind, though. He was warm as always, radiating a comfortable heat that thawed her chilled body.

When they arrived at camp, he set her down near her sleeping bag.

"Do you, uh, want me to lay with you? To keep you warm, I mean…" he trailed off.

Lucy blushed furiously, the thought of sleeping so near to him after this shift in their relationship sending a heat through her body. She couldn't muster up words, so she just nodded in consent. He quickly crawled into her bag, scooting over so that she had room to crawl in beside him.

"No funny business, ok?" she asked as she slid in next to him.

"Promise, Luce," he answered as he pulled her against his strong frame.

Lucy felt so small here next to him, but not in a bad way. She was warm, she felt safe. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep, feeling at peace with herself for the first time in a long time.


End file.
